WITHIN MY DAUGHTER’S HEART
WHO IS MY MOTHER
Every woman who is the mother to a daughter must understand the responsibility she has of protecting her daughter’s heart. There is a part of each daughter’s heart that must be kept sacred. When each new soul enters this world, open arms and an abundance of love welcomes this child. Witnessing a birth reminds us that love exists and life goes on. Mothers who have adopted daughters may describe their experience as sacred also. Their longing and apprehension due to the waiting process magnifies their love in different ways. In both situations new mothers are overwhelmed with joy that their child is now in their arms.
Every mother has been given a great responsibility for the nurturing of their child’s heart. Some women would say this was a positive experience. For others a huge wall goes up, a flag is thrown or salt is tossed on a wound. What was this experience like for you?
What feelings come to mind when you think of MOTHER? Your mother. Can you name a few?
In order to reach the part of our own daughter’s heart we must first understand our relationship with the woman we call mother.
Let’s go back in time…
There once was a young girl who dreamed of growing up to be a beautiful princess. As she watched the movie screen, she dreamed of her fairytale life like most girls. Would the man she married be dashing and hold her close at heart? Whether she knew it or not she could choose any profession and be anything she wanted to be. Would it be as a homemaker, a businesswoman, maybe a teacher or a doctor? Would she have babies or be single? Would she travel to the places she saw in magazines? Whatever she wanted to be, she could be. No matter what part of the world she lives in, she dreams.
Once upon a time there was a person born long before you existed. She was someone who would become the most important female in your life. She may not have asked for the role, but she became your teacher and example of how to act as a female in this world. Who then is the person you know as your mother? Do you honor her? Do you take care of her? Do you love her?
God says yes.
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).
Jesus says yes.
“…As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34).
However, not all mother-daughter relationships are content and reciprocal. There could be lots of reasons why. One sided relationships can be hurtful to both parties. A mom may reach out while you turn away. A daughter may yearn for acceptance and mom may speak with a critical tone.
Yet, God can heal all relationships.
There are three things that come to mind.
Focus on God…Learn his ways to love ourselves…Stop trying to change others.
First, God speaks through Moses to tell the people to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5). That means put God first. In the gospel of Mark, Jesus shared the most important commandment. Mark 12:30 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Jesus knew that the most important way to understand love was to know the Father. Only then we would be able to understand how to love others. Mothers included.
So, how do we learn to love God?
Learning to love God is like growing a relationship or friendship with someone. During times of dating someone we spend countless hours learning about them. We are willing to lose sleep, talk for hours and even sacrifice part of ourselves for the relationship to develop. It’s very true; we all have done it.
Yet many of us have never taken the time to get to know our Creator. We may go to church, we may even pray. But if you do not know him, as a friend, as a confidant, I encourage you to open the book he gave us. The Bible will tell you who he is and why he loves you. This is a relationship worth nurturing.
God never changes.
He never lets you down, never leaves or forsakes -- even if life is not the way you thought it should turn out. The bigger question could be what if God has a better plan and direction?
If your way isn’t working, maybe it was not God’s plan for your life in the first place. Why blame him?
Read for yourself:
Malachi 3:6 “I the Lord do not change…”
Deuteronomy 31:6b “…for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave or forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5b …because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Jeremiah 29:11-14a “For I know that I have plans for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity.”
Secondly, God’s words will teach us what love really is all about.
God sent Jesus to teach us, show us and give us understanding. Jesus showed us how to love God the Father and how to love one another. He taught us to how to live, how to pray and how to forgive. Relationships can be healed. Sometimes roles reverse and the child teaches the mother. What if you considered it a gift and not a disappointment? Bitterness can develop and hide deep within…maybe you did not understand the circumstances or maybe you did. Even though some things cannot be changed, the good news is that as we grow closer to God, the healing begins. As God heals your disappointed heart, he fills it with compassion. You will be amazed at what freedom you have found.
God honors the daughter who reaches out to heal a relationship with her mother.
He will bless every effort that is made to restore this relationship. Even if your mother is not alive, or you cannot speak to your mother at this point in time, the relationship can be healed. Maybe it is one-sided for now. Ask God. In Matthew 7:9-10 Jesus was teaching this: “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?” God will bring understanding and peace that can fill you up inside. Just ask God. And it will be given to you.
Thirdly, God wants us to focus on ourselves, not others. Does that sound contradictory? Maybe not.
When we understand love, we grow. We become closer to God and we come to a more peaceful place within ourselves.
Love teaches patience, even when others are sharp tongued.
Love teaches kindness, even if others are selfish.
Love keeps no record of wrong-doing and is tolerant. That can be hard.
And love endures forever. Do not give up. Love never fails.
When we learn love, we develop a peace that cannot be shaken.
Love God, love yourself. THEN love others.
So, how will you teach your own daughter?
I know a hurt woman who has chosen to teach her daughter differently. She separated her feelings of rejection from a jealous mother. She chose to love her daughter in a way that speaks volumes. She never allows the pain her mother caused her to infiltrate her feelings with her daughter. That is something to be proud of. I respect her for being a mother who understood the importance of teaching her daughter differently. And God will bless her.
And if your mother is emotionally unavailable, a poor example of being a mother or not here on earth, God will bring a spiritual mother into your path. God will not give his child a stone if he asks for bread.
To learn more about mother-daughter relationships visit www.withinthiswomanshouse.com
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